44 Days in my Xterra — seventypoint3

I have wanderlust. I love travel and do get a little anxious when I’m in one place for a long time and COVID has heightened my restlessness because I had no races for the majority of 2020. I needed a bit of adventure to satisfy this need to wander so that it would settle me down. When my last apartment was being sold in September, I was the upper flat of a two family house, I knew it was time to pack. The lease had clause that included a two month rent penalty if I moved out from October to May, pretty much the Syracuse winter, and I did not want to deal with a new landlord right away. I was also unsure where I wanted to be physically and mentally I was still longing for a tiny house on a small plot of land that I could build and own. So I took a leap to satisfy the wanderlust, save a few dollars and figure out the next chapter in life. I packed up my apartment and put it all in storage to live in a 2012 Nissan Xterra.

I’ve got two kids (16, 12) and am an active father. Being a dad is the biggest accomplishment I’ve ever had and I knew with online school they’d be with their mom during the week and I would have my kids on weekends. We’d be in hotels on weekends because my son plays travel hockey so paying rent and paying for hotels seemed like a waste. I set out a plan to be a vagrant while I write my book, guest teach virtually, train for the 2021 race season and get a different perspective on life. My plan was to spend October without an apartment and spend the weekdays/evenings in the office and then handle parental responsibility on the weekends. So I did it. I’m still doing it. I’ve had a few challenges along the way and it hasn’t been easy but I’ve gone 44 days in the Xterra. I will likely fall short of 50 before I move into a new place next week but I learned a lot about the challenges and here are 5 takeaways.

1) If you can’t think like a chess player, this is not for you.

Living in a vehicle meant that I had to plan everything and have contingency plans. I knew I had daily tasks that had to happen. Personal care, writing/work, workouts and family time. I found that I wrote down less of my schedule but knew where I needed to be and what I needed to accomplish. In a way it felt like a survival skill checklist. Early in the adventure I flipped my schedule and worked all night, slept from 6 am to noon and then it was gym (noon - 2pm), kids’ responsibilities are not (3-9 pm) and back to the office. This became a more traditional schedule for the latter half of the experience and finding a spot to sleep would depend on where I needed to be. I loved this flexibility but it required planning and knowing all the options for plan B or C. If you’re not a planner, you’ll need to become one. I was never a big chess player but my dad taught me to visualize your next few moves and anticipate the moves of your opponent. This was very similar and I knew what I needed to do and 2020 was my opponent throwing challenges my way.

2) Bathrooms & showers are fountains of youth

One of the biggest questions I received was where do you shower or use the bathroom? I was at the gym every day and in the office just about every day as well. I spent times at state parks and grocery stores or gas stations (though no truck stop showers this time). Unlike some van living, I did not have a permanent toilet or shower in my vehicle. I definitely had an emergency kit handy if needed and always traveled with at least one gallon of water if I needed a DIY shower. The ability for a shower to recharge you is underestimated. When I was at the gym I found I’d take two just to feel refreshed. I’d shower when I got there then again after my workout. Having a gym membership (YMCA) and my office meant that I had access to everything I needed but it did highlight that in Syracuse there are very few publicly accessible shower & bathroom facilities for anyone who is homeless. Outside of the shelters there are few options for those without homes. I found myself looking for facilities when downtown one day but COVID has restricted access to store restrooms. This highlighted the fact that those who are truly out on the streets don’t get the ability to refresh. It improves the day exponentially and I don’t know that I appreciated this as much 6 weeks ago.

3) Isolation is debilitating

I saw people but I had very few genuine human interactions over the last month and a half. I’d have short conversations on the weekend with hockey parents but outside of that I felt exceptionally isolated. Work was like a ghost town. My desk showed the usual signs of clutter, articles printed, stacks of books and props for TikTok videos but the other 3 desks in my office remained untouched as the colleagues work virtually from home or our second office location. I could not have people visit and did not visit anyone else. Perhaps if I was with someone it would have been an easier experience but I did feel deflated at times just longing for some connection, any connection. I ended up driving a bit more with Uber just to have more human connection and I really appreciate this. I actually think that every college professor needs to drive for Uber to give you the reminder that your students come from so many backgrounds. The majority of my driving gives me time to see life from the perspective of people I wouldn’t normally get the chance to meet in daily life. I’ll write more on Uber in the future but the 10 minute masked interactions were helpful in breaking up the isolation. I did have my kids and attended some of their field hockey / ice hockey games and practices but outside of that there was a lot more alone time than I expected. It impacted by mood for sure. Partnering up with someone would have made this so much easier.

4) What I have and what I need are different

I half joke that the only things I own in life are bikes. In reality it’s much more though it’s no home or land. I have boxes of clothes packed, thousands of records/CDs/cassettes, lots of kitchen gear and artwork. For the last 44 days I had two bags of clothes, my toiletries, an air mattress and a sleeping bag. My art is on my body, I’m on Spotify so don’t need physical music and I wore the same three pair of pants for 44 days, sometimes multiple days in a row. I don’t need a lot to survive. My bet is you don’t either. I’d challenge you to think about the bare essentials that you’d need. I likely can get by with less than the average person but it highlighted to me that we all have so much stuff. We don’t really need it. It also refocused me on the value of a dollar. I found that I was more frugal and better with the resources that I had. I knew I did not need a lot so I did not buy a lot. I’m going to keep this in mind moving forward and I often thought of a colleague who wanted a Harley a few years ago. He realized if he made coffee at home and skipped Starbucks twice a day, he’d have his motorcycle.

5) This helped mentally train me for triathlon

This was hard. It was a physical struggle and my body took a bit of a beating in the cramped spaces but it was an even bigger mental challenge. The last 6 weeks made me even more resilient as I needed to survive each day. I felt like I hit my breaking point a few times but I persevered. I made (mostly) smart choices, deliberate in my moves and was (mostly) safe. The unsafe situations taught me where not to car camp, forced me into split second decisions and I had to trust myself that I was prepared. This survival instinct will help even more when I’m running the final miles of a race in 2021 remembering being homeless but acknowledging that I made it through. A 70.3 race will be a vacation compared to some of the days I’ve had.

In the end I’m glad that I did this. It was longer than I expected it to be but with COVID spiking, I am going to buckle down for the winter and enjoy an apartment with my kids, get back on the bike trainer and reflect on the experiences I’ve had.